TOP 10 REASONS THE PHILLIES SUCK:
1. They have lost more games than any baseball team, period. No team, as of 2011, has lost 10,000 games, except for the Phillies- who have lost far more. It technically doesn't get any worse. Quite simply, the Phillies are the worst team in baseball, and debatably in all of sports.
Stating the obvious would be the observation that all Phillies fans are stupid and self-hating.. but notice how you can't be a Phillies fan unless you are either fat or ugly!
2. They have existed since 1884, yet have won 2 world series rings. Their drunk fans often try and equate such suckage to their biggest rival New York Mets, also prideful of only 2 rings. But with 80 more years of existence and thus 80 more years of failure, the Phillies pathetic excuse for success is laughable in comparison not only with the Mets, but any franchise established in the late 1800's.
3. The idiots who named the Phillies were drunk douche bags. How do we know this? They were re-named 3 times in under 2 years by a crowd of angry rich guys desperately attempting to create a baseball team in a city laughably calling itself "the other New York" as an attempt to draw in tourists disgusted by how dirty Philadelphia was. The "Phillies"? As far as creative names go, one might applaud the New York Mets for shortening Metropolitans and inspiring the metropolitan area to flock to the most diverse place on earth (Queens) to watch Gil Hodges build a franchise in a place called Shea. But, as my friend Julie once pointed out, naming a team "Philadelphia Phillies" is just as creative as naming a team "New York New-Yorkers" or "Florida Floridians". If a team's fans can't even defend its heinous and lazy name, that's when you know alcoholism has played too big a role in their life.
4. Their current stadium is a joke. Talk about home run haven. Sure, the Bronx Bums have mastered the wiffle-ball stadium. But even after fan outrage about the ridiculous amount of home runs, lame modifications didn't change Citizens Bank Park from maintaining its reputation as one of the most hitter-friendly parks in baseball. In 2009, it gave up 149 home runs, the most in the National League and second in the majors behind only the new Yankee Stadium. Things got really bad when a kid hit a ball out of the stadium during a pre-game home run derby. I would have sent a congratulatory letter to the 9 year old, but you don't need to be Carlos Beltran to crush a ball out of CPB. A premature baby could hit a ball out of that shithole in a shit part of a shit city in a shit state known best as "Why the fuck do you live in Pennsylvania?".
5. They try to mix pinstripes and red. The fashion police just threw up. No other team (of the dozen that wear the Phils shade of red) in the majors have even thought about doing something so stupid. The Mets, Cubs, Yankees, White Sox and Twins look classy in stripes. The Marlins, Astros and Phillies all look like shitheads. Although, to be fair to the Phillies, everyone in Citizens Bank Park, aside from commonly invading Mets fans, look like shitheads. It's part heroin epidemic in Philly, part drinking away sorrows as a Phillies fan.
6. Thier old stadium was named both worst and ugliest stadium in America countless times. I would cite some sources, but we are talking about Veteran's Stadium here, folks. If you think Shea got ugly after its renovation in the 80s, you never visited this shithole. Talk about a dump of a sports arena. Smelly, dangerous and quiet- no wonder the Phillies lost so many games...
7. What could possibly be a duller way to win the World Series than than to have Bud Selig tell all the players they couldn't win in a rain-shortened game and thus have to play a couple innings another day? No wonder the on-field celebration was so forgettable. Mets fans run on the field when the team wins a ring...Phillies fans sit around clapping and then burn cars as a bunch of drunk idiots are left with little else to do in a city full of ugly cars and fat people driving them.
8. When the Phillies won the World Series in 08, it was the least watched World Series, ever. We all know the Rays are unpopular, but c'mon, Philly has millions of people, right? I guess half of Philly's population is Mets fans.
9. Kobe Bryant grew up in Philly...as a Mets fan. He looked up to Daryl Strawberry. Look it up, he said so in LA, rooting against the Phillies in the NLDS at Dodger Stadium in 2009. Remember that year, when the Phillies went on to lose the World Series? For them, that's a fantastic year. Standards are low when you are as bad as the Phills.
10. The Phillies took in an old, fat-ass Pedro Martinez, a traitor and douche. How did that work out for them? Who's Your Daddy? Hah, Mets fans used to hate that phrase almost as much as Red Sox fans. Now, we all love it...except for Pedro and the dumbass Phillies fans still praying for that third ring.
And because such suckage can't fit into a concrete top 10, one can't forget to mention everyone's least favorite asshole, Jimmy Rollins. #11- Rollins always predicts the Phillies to go all the way and win the Series. His success rate is almost as low as how many players he has had affairs with.
10 Reasons the Mets are a joke:
ReplyDelete1. They built a stadium specifically to beat the current Philadelphia Phillies. Instead, they killed their own team's offense and barely finished ahead of the Washington Nationals in the standings.
2. The team had no idea that its own player was going to get surgery on his right knee (Beltran). Not only did they not have an idea, but they allowed the feud to become public, just like every other feud the team has.
3. The Mets aren't even the best team or have the most fans in THEIR OWN CITY. At least the Phillies are selling out and forcing the team to put a cap on season tickets. The Yankees own that town, and the Mets will always play second fiddle.
4. The Mets still hold the record for the most losses in a single season in baseball history with 120 in 1962.
5. Talk about fashion police. The Mets have a blue and orange combination. I'm pretty sure I've NEVER seen anyone outside a Mets game wear blue and orange in the same outfit unless it was Halloween and they were dressing up as Jose Reyes.
6. The team name "Mets" is in reference to the city of New York, you idiot. So naming a team "Phillies" is the same as "Mets" except at least Philly got specific instead of your broad BS that can cover any big city. Maybe the Mets are named after Philadelphia.
7. The Mets paid old, fat-ass Pedro Martinez EIGHT-figures for four seasons. How did that work our for you? Zero World series appearances. The Phillies had Pedro for a fraction of the price for half a season and went to the World Series once.
8. Mets fans need to make NBA references to try to reason why the Phillies are terrible. Phillies fans couldn't give a crap who Kobe Bryant roots for, but I guess the Mets need celebrity fans to make themselves feel better.
9. Any team that has a GM that publicly fights with beat writers (Omar Minaya, Adam Rubin) without that GM getting any punishment is a joke of a franchise.
10. Fred Wilpon invested with Bernie Madoff. I mean, the idiocy of the Mets begins at the top, and it doesn't look like it's coming to an end any time soon.
Enjoy the 2010 season, when you're looking up at the Phillies once again.
plus. phillies bloggers tend to spell-check before posting.
ReplyDeleteyou? not so muhc.
Dickiel,
ReplyDelete1- Baseless bullshit. Don't get jealous of a hitter-friendly park just cuz your stadium is built for pussies. The idea that we would base our park design off your team's power is an idea so radically off, it could only come from the mouth of a narcissistic fatass Phillies fan.
2- Public scandals are unavoidable in the big apple, you know, a real city. The NY media would butt rape the Philadelphia media in a hot minute.
3- Low blow, jackass. Mets fans outnumber Phillies fans anyday. Stick to the point. We started the stadium invasions in this rivalry and we still dominate them, even when you guys hold a better record. We mets fans don't base who we root for on what's more popular. We don't follow the mainstream. And the rich roid loving bums from the Bronx you are referring to, didn't they just beat you in the World Series?... And if the Yankees were really that much more popular, why did we fill up a larger percent of our stadium on average last year than the Yankees?
4- The 1962 lovable losers we're expected to be a joke. Every team's first year is awful. One bad year is nowhere near equivalent to having the most losses in baseball history.
5- You are so uneducated its tragic. Orange and blue are the colors of New York, shithead.
6- Yeah, because your metropolitan area is worth naming something after? Haha, New York has 12 million people funell through it, work in it, bleed, cry, shit, fuck and die in it every day. Philly is a tiny city and there is no creativity in your name.
7- He was never really a Philly. You don't know what it's really like to appreciate Pedro. He turned out to be a traitor, and the Yankees destroyed him. Tell me how that worked out for you again?...
8- The point is, he's from your city. Sorry you can't make celebrity references. We are the team of celebrities. Its a status thing, you'll never get it.
9- Doesn't dignify a response.
10- Homeless shelters, family farmers, doctors, teachers, and animal shelters invested with Madoff too. You might not understand how a ponzi sheme works, but attempting to demoralize someone who made a bad investment decision is so low, only a fuckface from Philly would say something so ignorant.
ZM,
It's funny how you talk about spell checking when your 12 word response contained 3 punctuation errors and a misspelling of a 4 letter word. Laughable. You hypocrite.
First, Earth is capitalized. It's a proper noun.
ReplyDeleteSecond, there should be a comma after 'respond' since you introduced a new subject (there).
Third, 'fuckface' and 'shittards' are not English words.
Fourth, you have plenty of fragmented sentences.
Fifth, 'the big apple' should be capitalized. Again, it is a proper noun.
Sixth, in your third reasoning there should be a comma after 'rivalry' since you introduce a new subject.
Seventh, also in your third reasoning, 'who' should be replaced by 'whom' and you ended a phrase with a preposition.
Eighth, you used 'its' in your fifth reasoning when you should have used 'it's' since you meant 'it is.'
Ninth, when you use numbers in a sentence, any number under 10 should be written out.
10th, learn to spell the word 'funnel' you idiot.
I left out countless other mistakes to save you some dignity. Maybe you should learn some proper English before trying to criticize me.
Now, to touch on your baseball-related points.
1. Of course what I said is baseless. I never said I had a legitimate source. It's just ironic that the Phillies have a top offense, and the Mets respond by building a pitcher-friendly ball park.
2. Public scandals are most certainly avoidable. You just have to not have an entire organization of jackasses to avoid them. The Mets have a lot of jackasses, including their general manager.
3. Low blows are a Philadelphia fan's bread and butter. You will always play second fiddle in New York. The Yankees' ticket prices didn't help the fans come to the stadium, so that's why the Mets may have had a higher percentage of the stadium filled (a fact I don't feel like checking). If that is true, it's because of the prices, not the quality of the team or its fans.
4. The Mets still lost 120 games in a season. You can't change facts.
5. Orange and blue is still ridiculously ugly. Again, you can't change facts.
6. I don't really have a comeback for that one. I was just trying to be funny, and I think I accomplished my goal in getting you all riled up.
7. Pedro isn't a Phillie. You're right. But the Phillies won a pennant with him, and the Mets didn't.
8. Who cares about celebrities? Not me. Sorry, I'm not star-struck like jackass Mets fans.
9. The Mets front office is a joke.
10. Fred Wilpon is unlucky, and so are the Mets. Teams make their own luck a lot of the time, so it's no surprise that these things happen to the Mets.
Have fun not making the playoffs again. Might I suggest taking a grammar school-level English class before trying to respond?
Hahahahahahahahha. I never said my grammer was good. All I did was call you a hypocrit cuz your's was terrible. And, for the record, earth is not capitalized. Hahahahahah
ReplyDeleteYou sum it up:
"Of course what I said is baseless".
"I don't really have a comeback".
There is not a single point you have made that you can prove, except #4- which is changing the subject off most losses of all time- once again, far worse than a bad opening season.
Number 5 is not a fact. Why argue?
You have killed your own argument better than I could myself.
Thanks for an attempt at debating me, but your cause is lost.
grammer? your's? plus, Earth IS capitalized unless you are talking about the ground.
ReplyDeletewhy do you make it so easy?
(yes, i realize i am not capitalizing things that should be. i am too lazy right now. i'm acting kind of like the mets' front office.)
just because i said it was baseless doesn't mean it's not true. i just don't have a source. i'm just trying to be fair because you need all the help you can get.
have fun rooting for a team that's already behind the washington nationals in the standings.
you guys are really good at those april first places, but when's the last time you were in first place after game #162?
ReplyDeletewhen's the last time you won baseball's final game of the season?
the phillies missed you guys last year. you were too busy hangin' out with the nats...we didn't want to fall off the cliff by looking down so far.
this weekend's series will be just a little bit enjoyable. have fun trying to solve roy on saturday.
how's that "enjoyable weekend series" goin for ya? 9-1. ouch. hahah mets dominate the nl east.
ReplyDeleteHey so who's in the playoffs now? In what place did the Mets finish? Yeah that's what I thought.
ReplyDeleteSo much anger. So much jealousy. Yall won't be able to handle the new Jason Bay.
ReplyDeleteThe Phillies were established in 1883, not 1884.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, not since 2007 have I considered the Mets as a rivalry. The 2011 Nats have a better chance of making the playoffs than the Mets do in the next five years.
Thanks for the Phillies blog... as much as you say you hate our city, our fans and our team you sure love talking about them! I would NEVER waste my time with an "I HATE THE METS" site!
"The 2011 Nats have a better chance of making the playoffs than the Mets do in the next five years"- you do realize how that sentence makes no sense....(you can't refer to 2011 as existing for the next 5 years, duh).
ReplyDeleteYou would never waste your time with an "I hate the Mets site" (like many Phillies fans do) because, face it, you don't have the balls.
I hope you enjoy watching the Phillies win a third NL Penneat in four years this October. Oh and I hope you enjoy watch Jose Reyes suit up in another teams colors next season. Your franchise has turned into a joke over the course of this season. The Braves are and will be our biggest competition for the next few season. By the way how did Santana turn out after paying him $ 21,644,707? I'm sure he was well worth the extra 1,644,707 dollars he makes over Roy Halladay or the 10 million more he makes over Cliff Lee. At least the players we pay big money to live up to their expectations rather than choke worse than the Met's in 08..which may I say was an AMAZING October. Whats your next blog going to be about how much better the Rangers are than the Flyers? I'm sure you will be quick to jump to past statistics but I'd prefer to talk about the present rather than the past.
ReplyDelete2011 National League Divion Series - Game 5
ReplyDelete1-0, St. Louis, Final
Four aces, overspending, and Hunter Pence have given their brain dead fans a first round loss to St. Louis and that's what they deserve. Watching those stunned (or stoned) Phussy fans is hilarious. Look at Ryan Coward hurting himself while being the final out to end the Phussy's so-called championship season. This ape was also the final out (K) in 2010. Is he worth his $20 million? Ahahaha. 2011 was their best chance to win it all, but it ain't fucking happening this year. What a shame. The Philadelphia Phussies have failed to meet expectations.
And talk about Johan Santana? I can't wait to see the frustration having to pay $25 million for a 37-year-old pitcher in 2015.